Morris Family Party of Five

Thankfully Heather and Christy stayed late after I wrapped up book club to catch up.  The subject of dogs came up and I confessed how much I still missed Teddy.  The companionship of a dog, especially all the time I spent alone working from home, I longed for but wasn’t sure I was ready.  Lewis had started to consistently ask for another dog and even recently told me “mama it will help you not miss Teddy.”  I explained a few barriers for just getting a dog were Lewis’ newly discovered allergies, cost of a non-shedding dog, stress of training a new puppy, etc.  They both shared that they cannot imagine their home without their dogs and the comfort they bring in difficult times. I joked that I wanted a female dog and then I wouldn’t be outnumbered, and I already had a name picked out - Dolly.  Both Heather and Christy suggested I look online for “designer rescues” and they would be praying about it for me. 

After that conversation, I had the desire for a dog weighing heavier on my heart.  I woke up the next morning to take Lewis on a field trip and a text from Heather popped up.  It was a screen shot of a Facebook post where an owner was looking to re-home her two dogs.  The dogs were precious, but I immediately shut it down.  I text Heather that I couldn’t do two dogs and what did we know about the breed and why were they giving them away.  Heather did a soft sell reminding me that two means they would always have a playmate and I wouldn’t have to feel bad about leaving them.  Then another text pops up from Christy with the same information on the dogs.  I told her the same spill I told Heather. 

The entire field trip I couldn’t help but think of the dogs.  I looked at their picture a few more times.  Field trip was finished, and Lewis and I were eating lunch when my mom called about the dogs.  She had seen the post too.  I told her I was, this late in the day, that the dogs were already spoken for.  I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a God wink since Heather, Christy and I just had this conversation the day before and decided to Facebook message the women who posted about them.  I told myself not to get my hopes up, but my heart started pounding with excitement when she responded that we should talk as she was still deciding on a home for them.

She called me right away and shared that they were non-shedding dogs.  Gigi was the smallest weighing seven and a half pounds and Lola weighed twenty-two pounds.  They were from the same litter and hypoallergenic.  They didn’t shed it all as the breed was a double doodle.  The women assured me they were loving and amazing dogs but her family of five just didn’t’ have the time to devote to them and they also had two cats.  She was honest that the cats are much more independent and self-sufficient than the dogs.  I shared my story of the loss of Teddy and discovering Lewis’ had allergies which kept us from being able to just go get a dog from the shelter.  I was also honest that money was a factor as we just didn’t have it in our budget to pay big money for a dog currently.  The mom said “These dogs are free.  We just want to ensure they go to a loving home.  And one of your friends private messaged me that your home would be a great choice and several people tagged you on the Facebook post I made.”  I had not been on Facebook to even see it but apparently my friend Elizabeth, Christy and Tammy had made a case for me to have the dogs too. 

The dog owner needed to talk to her family to ensure they were comfortable giving the dogs away.  And I also needed to talk to my husband and Lewis to see what their feelings were about the dog.  We agreed to just stay in touch.

Shortly after the call with the dog owner, my mom sent a screen shot with information about the double doodle breed.  The actual name of the breed was called Dolly Double Doodles.  I just couldn’t believe it!  I had just said to my friends that I wanted a dog named Dolly.  And while it wasn’t one of the dog’s actual names, the fact Dolly was the breed gave me chills.  I was so anxious now to talk to my husband because it just really seemed like God meant for our family to have these dogs.

My friend Julie called right before I had to pick up Lewis to see if I had seen the post about the dogs.  I had friends, all around me, thinking these dogs were a fit.  Julie then asked a question I hadn’t thought about – would my landlord allow us to have dogs in the house?  Yikes I hadn’t even thought of this and thankful Julie sad something at the same time my heart sank as we just renewed our lease and I wasn’t sure they would allow it.  I text the dog owner to let her know I would need to find out if we could even have the dogs before it went any further and we both agreed to pray about what was best.

I talked with my husband as soon as I could and shared the story of how this all transpired starting with my conversation the day before with Heather and Christy.  He agreed this could be a God wink but didn’t want me to get my hopes up until we heard from the landlord.  My landlord was amazing and said she would make a case to the actual homeowner but felt it was best if I emailed the owner my story directly.  As I was typing my story to the owner of our home, I received a message back from the dog owner that her family would be happy to share Gig and Lola with our family.  Now to just hear back from the landlord.  That wait seemed like forever.

Right before I had to put Lewis to bed, I got the text that the landlord had approval from the homeowner for us to have the dogs.  Because of the timing, my husband and I were able to discuss it with Lewis.  I explained that there were two dogs in need of a home that could give them a lot of love, time and attention.  When I showed Lewis the picture, I knew by the happy on his face that Gigi and Lola would be our dogs.

We had a playdate with the dogs before I had to leave to head out of town for work.  The playdate went perfectly, and Lewis was in love – we all were!  We agreed to bring them permanently to their new home when I got back to town.  I got them all settled in late afternoon and surprised Lewis when I picked him up from school.  We had a wonderful evening getting their things all set up.  At bedtime, we had their crate in our room and went to put them both in their crate to sleep.  But the sweet look on their faces melted our hearts and into the bed they both went. 

In less than 24 hours, God worked it out for our home to have the love and affection of a dog(s) again.  I am so thankful for praying friends who saw the Facebook post (Heather and Christy), the friends who cheered for us when we didn’t even know (Elizabeth and Tammy), and my mom for discovering they were “Dolly’s”.  And I will also always be grateful to the family who let us love the dogs allowing them to get the time and attention they needed.  In a week’s time God took our little family of three to a joy filled Morris Family of Five!

70 Years in the Making

Humble Beginnings

“No, I will just wait until the hot water comes back on,” he said.  We shouldn’t have been surprised by this considering he spent most of his early years getting a bath in a wash tub on the porch.  The water was heated on the stove and by the time it reached the wash tub, it was chilly.  His family grew up poor-  very poor.  For Christmas they had handmade stockings that were filled with fruit, if that.  There was never any money for presents.  They got one new pair of shoes at the beginning of every school year, regardless of the shape they ended up in.  The house had cracks where the sun would peak through as well as the cold.  Running water and electricity were not luxuries that were had in his kid’s younger years.  One of six kids and the oldest boy, Danny remembers picking cotton for a penny a pound and until his fingers would bleed. 

He learned early the importance of working hard in those cotton fields especially following the death of his daddy.  He was just nine years old when all the children were called to his dad’s bedside.  Daniel (his dad) had gone blind as a result of a stroke and the prognosis wasn’t good.  As his dad passed, daddy said “I knew that I was now the man of the house and had to help provide.”  As a result of feeling responsible, all he wanted to do was work.  He had no interest in school and although his mama tried her best to change his mind, he felt he could do more for his family with his hands.  The minute he could drop out and earn a living, that’s exactly what he did. 

The death of his daddy took a tool on his mama.  She was never the same after that, but then how could she be?!  She didn’t have much and was left to raise six children by herself.  The grief sent her into early menopause and Alzheimer’s quickly followed.  By the time daddy had turned twenty-four, he had already buried his mama too.

Semper Fi

Limited education and the draft happening all around, daddy volunteered to enter the military.  When asked why he chose the Marine Corps, daddy said, “I wanted to be the best.  The ones they put on the front lines.”  The Marines was a perfect fit for him.  Any imperfection they saw, they would work it out of you.  For example, he had acne and they gave him a skin regimen of scrubbing his face with rubbing alcohol.  He said, “it burned like the devil, but my acne was gone.” Daddy became an ideal cadet for the Marines and played ball but what he really wanted was to serve his country in war.  He would ask when his squadron would get deployed, but his lieutenant would always request for daddy and another Marine buddy to be held back.  The lieutenant told him they were grooming him for bigger things and his work, where he was stationed, was important.  To this day, I think daddy wishes he could’ve served his country in war.  But I believe God knew better than to send him to war, because as a scout, he would have most likely never made it back. 

Daddy’s desire was to make a career out of the military.  They worked him hard and working hard was the core of who he was.  One of the greatest values he carried, in part because of all the loss he experienced at such a young age and in part because of the Marines, was tested while serving in the Corps.  He was needed back home to help someone he deeply cared about, so he did what he thought was the honorable thing and went back home.  He always put family first even if it meant giving up his dream of being a career Marine.  The Marines never left him though and aided in shaping the man he is today.

A Strong Provider

 Daddy was the ideal employee.  He was never late, worked hard and would have to be sick or injured to miss even a day of work.  He was good with his hands, could fix almost anything and mechanic work was a natural fit.  Ryder Truck Rental worked my daddy to the bone.  But it provided all of what the family needed and most of what we wanted. 

“I wanted to make sure I could give my kids all the things I never had growing up, “Danny said.  He and my mama always came through. Every birthday, Christmas and vacation were more than we deserved.  Daddy would volunteer to take call or work overtime to ensure we never missed out.  John never missed out on a band trip or buying an instrument and I never missed out on the latest pair of Guess jeans. 

Beyond working to provide for his family, he was also the family and friend mechanic. It didn’t matter how many hours he worked or how tired he was, if someone asked him to check out their vehicle, daddy always helped. There was almost always some extra car in our driveway that he was looking at or working on. 

Those years of being everyone’s mechanic took a toll on his body.  After thirty-seven and a half years, he finally retired from Ryder Truck Rental.  On his last day, we watched him clock out and we exited Ryder as a family.  I remember feeling such pride on his retirement day.  I admired his work ethic and loyalty.  I admired all he had sacrificed for us.  There were numerous times over those thirty-seven years he had turned down promotions because they would require him to move.  He knew we didn’t’ want to move and leave close friends so he stayed the course at Ryder. 

Even in retirement, he is still known as the Mr. Fix It in the family.  My husband jokes that he can smell when a light bulb goes out.  If something at our house breaks or tears up, Lewis will say “mama we better call Papa because he can fix it.” 

Getting Right with God

Daddy and God weren’t always tight.  He was scared into being saved as a young boy.  He recalls a preacher screaming to him and a group of boys that “they better get right with God or they would burn in hell.”  It was not an earnest connection with the Lord but rather a decision made solely out of fear to be baptized.  Then as he got older, I think he probably was a little mad at God.  He experienced a hard road as a child and a significant loss and held resentment. 

We never gave up on him getting that deep connection with God especially mama.  I landed one of the lead roles in the children’s Christmas play, A Little Christmas Lamb, and asked daddy to please come.  He came to watch, and I saw his heart start to soften.  He came for the Christmas play and kept on coming.  He joined in on Sunday school and church fellowships.  He had to miss most Wednesday nights due to work but on Sundays, he was faithful.  About a year and a half after that initial visit, he was saved. About a year after he was saved, he stood in front of our congregation and gave his testimony.  I was in awe that this quiet and very private man had the courage to share the gospel so boldly.  But courageous was something daddy always was and really, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

A Man of Character

Having cared for his family starting at just nine years old, daddy is a caregiver by nature.  He has spent a great deal of his retirement taking care of others.  He was a caregiver for an elderly gentleman with no family until he passed.  He has helped take family friends to various doctor’s appointments or would just go visit and sit with them.  He’s helped move my brother and I multiple times complete with unpacking, organizing, hanging pictures or whatever was needed.  Any time there is any kind of crisis, he is the calm and steady.

Daddy still opens doors for my mom.  He will give up a seat for a woman or small child.  He removes his hat when he walks in a room.  His manners are impeccable.  He greets everyone he meets with a smile.  He calls his sister every week and checks in on his other sister who has Alzheimer’s.  On any given Sunday, you may find him rocking on his screened in porch talking on the phone to his best friend.  They have been best friends since he was fifteen and talk every week.

He still does all his own yard work. He keeps their car pristine.  He shares housekeeping duties with my mama, and nothing is out of place.  Daddy has shared many times that “I never had things this nice growing up and never dreamed I would, so I plan to take care of what I have.” 

If you are wearing a military hat or uniform, daddy will thank you for your service. If he greets you, it will always be with a big smile.  He has become quite the talker and jokester as he ages.  And if you ever see him playing with his grandson, you will know how joyful he really is. 

Daddy has never been a man that needs or requires much to be happy.  He wants my mama by his side.  A chair that rocks.  A nice view of the mountains.  A potato as a side with his meal (potato chips or fries will do and even with pizza).  An Alabama football win.  A cold beer and boiled peanuts once and awhile.  And his children and grandchildren happy, healthy and safe.

My daddy is salt of the earth good.  He is self-made.  His life could have taken a very different path but his past, his loss and his pain did not define him.  He decided he would be the better man. 

I hope on his 70^th birthday today, he will celebrate every one of these seventy years, even the hard ones.  All these years made him who he is – a caregiver, a provider, a working man, a soldier, a husband, a father, a friend.  And I couldn’t be prouder to be his daughter!

Happy 70^th Birthday Daddy!  You are good stuff!

The Dancing Avocado

Okay I first need to start with a confession that is quite personal.  Life has handed me a very difficult season.  One that has brought up a great deal of pain from the past and even pain in the present and challenged my ability to find joy like normal.  Tears have been flowing way to freely and sadness was becoming my new normal.  I cannot share all the details, as ironically the stories aren’t mine to tell, but they have had a direct and negative impact on my life in more ways than one.  To get back to myself, to find my joy again and to show up for my family, I am currently in therapy.  There I said it.  I am in therapy.  Band add is off.  Now to the rest of the story.

I knew given the week I just had this therapy session would be hard.  Hard was an understatement.  It was brutal, and I was wrecked with emotions.  One of the coping tools my therapist provided was something called the circle of control.  Essentially what is on the inside circle are the things I have complete control over and what is on the outside of the circle, I have none.  When I looked at the drawing of the circle, I made a joke that it looked like a perfectly shaped avocado.  My therapist laughed and agreed.  She encouraged me to look and stay focused on my avocado to get me through the tough days ahead as I continued to process this session.  My therapist is a Christian and reminded me, besides the avocado, that God is always there.  He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5-6).  I finished the session, splashed water on face and threw myself together to be present to pick up my son, Lewis, from preschool.

Lewis and I got home and went about our normal family routine even though I was struggling.  Thankfully being busy with Lewis was a great distraction to keep the tears from flowing.  As the night drew closer, the sadness and anxiety were working overtime to creep back in.  Lewis and I started our normal bedtime routine – Dada does the bath, I read three books with him and then we take funny selfies together on Snapchat before saying our prayers.  The Snapchat selfies is a random thing Lewis loved after doing it with my niece.  And it just kind of snuck into our bedtime routine.  This night I was attempting to hurry through the fun of Snapchat because I was struggling to keep my emotions intact.  Imagine my surprise when Lewis and I scrolled to the next character and it was an avocado.  And not just an avocado but an avocado dancing to the happiest music.  Lewis and I have been playing on Snapchat for almost a year now and never once had the dancing avocado appeared.  My eyes filled up with happy tears and I laughed out loud at God’s sense of humor.  What is more even more amazing about the dancing avocado is that it only showed up for two nights.  It normally takes me about 48 hours after a session to fully process and feel normal again.

Y’all here God was, during Snapchat, showing up big for me.  He sent me a dancing avocado.  He sent me a dancing avocado for the exact amount of nights I needed.  The dancing avocado reminded me that He is always in control.  And even on the hardest days or the most difficult of seasons, He will never leave me or forsake me. 

A Letter to My Best Fur Friend

Dearest Teddy –

I miss you every.single.day.  Some days I think I’m doing well and then some days the grief catches me off guard and takes me down.  Today was one of those days. 

We took down the doggie door today.  Looking at it every day was hard.  I missed seeing you run out when Lewis and I would open the big door and you would wait for us to chase you.  I missed seeing you stick just your face inside and when you saw me, you would wait for the big door to open instead of going through the doggie door.  I missed hearing Lewis say “Teddy quit barking and get in this house right now” just like I would say while he stuck his little head out your door.  I missed hearing the flap close knowing you were on your way out or in. 

And now the door is gone, and it is the hard reminder that you are too.  I sit on the rug by the door and I sob.  I let myself sit in that pain for a minute but just for a minute.  I have a job to work, calls to make and my family to soon be present for so I know I cannot stay in this sadness.  As memories of you flood my mind, I turn my focus to gratitude.  You taught me so much.  I chuckle that some folks may think I’m a little crazy saying I learned anything from a dog.  But it is true.  You, my friend, were a great teacher – just a super hairy one. 

Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me to appreciate the little things in life.  The little things you loved like a squirrel crossing the road, a golf cart ride, a treat at the end of the day or the windows down in the car.  Those were enough to make your entire day the best.  I often get caught up in planning the next big event or celebration or trip when really, I should soak up the joys of the little things.  I will do better and take in the little things like my child’s giggle, the beautiful mountain views near our home, a hug from my husband, or unexpected lunch date with a friend.  Our lives are a accumulation of all the little things really anyway.

Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me the importance of affection.  I remember how you weren’t a very affectionate dog in the beginning.  You were playful but not the kind of dog to cuddle with at all.  I understood that your past of abuse kept you from giving into that need.  But the need was always there.  Over time, as you were shown affection by me as well as family and friends, you became more open to it and wanted it more and more.  The power of touch for you was healing.  As I believe it is for so many.  A hug.  Holding a hand.  Sharing a kiss on the cheek.  Patting someone’s back.  All acts of affection that can soften a soul.  I am and will do this more for those in my circle Teddy. 

Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me to love BIG.  I would walk in the door from being gone five minutes or five hours and you were there ready to shower me with love.  All you had to hear was your name called and you would come running, smile on your face with a wagging tail eager to give.  And even though you weren’t shown love initially in life, you never withheld it from me.  You chose love regardless.  How often have I held back my love when someone disappointed me, hurt me or didn’t show me the love I felt I deserved?  You and God have it right.  Choose love always and love BIG. 

Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me that time is fleeting.  Seems odd to write that I am thankful for that, but I needed the wakeup call.  One minute you are playing at daycare, we are going on walks and running with Lewis and one week later you were given a terminal diagnosis.  Then just three weeks later you were in my arms as we said our final goodbyes.  I am thankful that we had that last month and at least I was prepared the end was near.  But that is often not the case in this life.  Now I tell my family every day I love them.  Your dad and I kiss every morning before we leave regardless of our mood.  I hug Lewis and tell him I love him at daycare drop off even on days when we are rushed.  I hug my parents every time I leave their house and end every goodbye with I love you.  My friends probably think I’ve turned into more of a sap than I ever was as I tell them I am thankful for them, proud of them and I love them.  Because we often aren’t given a warning when our time is up, I’m making sure my tribe knows how loved they are. 

In Genesis 1:24-28 it reads, “And God said, let the Earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds … and God saw it was good.”  You were good Teddy … a good dog, a good companion and a good teacher.  You are never far from my thoughts and forever in my heart.  Until we met again my good and faithful friend.  Until we meet again.

A Legacy Beyond Letters

My heart skipped a beat when my niece, Mary Stewart, confirmed she would be attending Troy University.  Troy University was my Alma Mater and I knew it would be a great fit for her.  The college provided a smaller more intimate atmosphere for learning, had a beautiful campus and was close to her home.  I also knew that she would want to go through Sorority Rush.  Having pledged Kappa Delta while at Troy, Mary Stewart would be my legacy for Kappa Delta (KD).

A sorority legacy is defined as a woman whose specified relative has been a member of the sorority in which the young lady desires membership. Typically, a sorority only counts a mother or grandmother as a true legacy.  And her mother was a Phi Mu at Samford in her college years which meant Mary Stewart had true legacy status with Phi Mu sorority.  Did I mention I was a KD?!  As the aunt, I knew I didn’t “technically” meet the criteria but it did in my heart.  Because I knew I would never have a little girl, this would still count as my legacy as I would be sharing and passing on my love of Kappa Delta sorority. 

Now even though I really, really, really wanted this legacy for myself, I thought about how hard this must be for Mary Stewart.  Both Phi Mu and KD sororities existed at Troy University.  She had to feel a tug to please her mom and me.  When she came to visit and even in text, I made sure to tell her that this is four years not mine, to follow her heart and ultimately, I want her to be happy regardless of what sorority letters she chose to wear.  I truly meant all those things I shared with her AND I still had hope Mary Stewart would be a KD. 

College move in day and sorority came quickly, it seemed, from when Mary Stewart decided she would go to Troy University.  I was filled with butterflies and excitement for her all week long.  It brought back this feeling of nostalgia for all the wonderful memories and friendships I had made.  Even though I knew I wanted her to be that KD legacy, I tried to prepare myself that she may feel at home somewhere else. 

My husband, son and I got to Troy late on Thursday night and stayed with one of my best friends (also a KD), Joanna.  Friday was the final day of Rush parties which meant I could finally see Mary Stewart that evening.  I could hardly wait to see her dorm, hug her and find out how the last day of Rush went.  We got to the dorm room to pick Mary Stewart up and I knew almost instantly that KD was not her first choice.  It was just a feeling I couldn’t shake, and I asked her point blank.  She was so sweet and immediately went to apologize.  She shared Phi Mu just felt like home to her.  In that moment, even though I was sad, I knew Mary Stewart made the decision that felt right for her and not one of obligation to either her mom or me.  I tried to reassure her it was okay, and I loved her.  I reminded her again that this was her time to shine in college, not mine.  Her happiness was ultimately what counted.

After dinner and a golf cart ride, I dropped Mary Stewart off at her dorm and told her I would see her on Bid Day.  I got back to my friend’s house and fixed her Phi Mu gift bag.  Luckily, I was smart enough to know to buy both a KD and Phi Mu gift just in case it went either way.  I crawled into bed with Lewis and began to pray about how I would handle the next day – Bid Day.  Bid Day is where the girls receive their invitations to join a certain sorority.  Because Mary Stewart was a true Phi Mu legacy, I had no doubt she would receive an invitation from Phi Mu and run up the hill to their sorority house.  Typically, family members wait at the sorority houses and are there to see the girls run to their sorority houses with their new sisters.

I got up and got ready to go to Bid Day.  I put on the green dress I had always planned to wear (Kappa Delta’s colors are green and white).  I got Lewis dressed in his Troy gear and we headed to the KD house before the Bid Day festivities began.  Several KD sisters, who all knew my niece was pledging, asked if I was going to go over to the Phi Mu house.  I knew I needed to, but I honestly was wavering as to what to do.  A part of me wanted to go to celebrate with my niece yet a part of me wanted to feel sorry for myself.  The thought of going, in my green dress, to a sea of girls in pink (Phi Mu colors) left me feeling less than confident.  I didn’t know the girls there.  I also wasn’t sure if I could keep all these emotions in check since they were all over the place – happiness for Mary Stewart and sadness for me.

As the excitement continued to build outside and the clock got closer and closer to time, I saw Lewis out of the corner of my eye flirting with one of my KD sisters.  Watching the smile on the face of my child, it hit me that I was setting the example for him and for my niece.  Even when we don’t get what our heart desires, we still must be happy and celebrate others.  I grabbed Lewis’ hand, Mary Stewart’s present, said my goodbyes and headed to the Phi Mu house.  We got there just in time to see Mary Stewart run to her new Phi Mu sisters with the excitement of a kid at Christmas.  I watched her mom, who wanted to be surprised as to what she pledged, sob happy tears when she realized Mary Stewart followed her legacy.  The emotions of all it was quite overwhelming.  Lewis and I congratulated them both, gave hugs, and even took photos with my green and Mary Stewart’s pink.  One of Mary Stewart’s new Phi Mu sisters came up to guide her and her mom to the house.  I knew it was my cue to leave and let them enjoy this moment together.

Lewis held my hand the entire way back to the KD house and I let my tears flow.  Even though it was the right thing to do, it was still so difficult.  The right thing often isn’t the easiest, right?! The happy emotions of watching Mary Stewart and her mom share that legacy bond and the sadness for me that I would not ever have that legacy, was a lot to process.  But it was a much-needed reminder that the legacy I want to leave is about way more than my sorority letters.  The legacy I want to leave is about rising above disappointment, showing love even when things don’t go my way and celebrating others’ happiness.   Mary Stewart may not be wearing my sorority letters, but my hope is she will be proud of the legacy I am creating for her and for my son to follow.  A legacy not bound by letters or colors and solely built on always choosing to the do the right thing!

A Heart Full of Pregnancy Gratitude

Today is the day.  I will no longer be pregnant and finally get to meet our little man, Lewis Max.  As I’m feeling Lewis’ kicks for the last time in my belly, my heart swells and I feel grateful for having this experience.  While the pregnancy itself wasn't without a few challenges (first trimester or carpel tunnel anyone), it was wonderful and I’m thankful I had the chance to house our baby for these nine months.  As I am set to give birth today, I want to make sure I capture all the wonderful memories I will always cherish about this pregnancy.

1.       The love I feel for my husband.  I already loved my husband, dearly.  But something about those lines on the pee stick made me love him even more.  I knew we were in this together and forever united by this miracle.  He endured three major hormonal meltdowns of mine, was patient, loving and a doting daddy.  From the first time he felt Lewis kick, or selected classical music for Lewis to listen to or reading him Dr. Seus books – I fell in love all over again.  And he did an amazing job of making me feel beautiful by telling me I was daily.  My most favorite memories are when he would leave to run an errand or for work, rub my belly and tell Lewis and me he loved us.  I have no doubt I have the best baby daddy to my little boy.

2.       The bump.  You hear a lot of women struggle with their growing belly because they feel, well just fat.  Initially it was a difficult place to find that acceptance.  Will people know I am pregnant or will they just think I have a beer gut?  But the more I saw this as a miracle and became grateful that a little life was growing inside me the more I embraced it.  No loose fitting clothes for this mama.  I sported the belly bump loud and proud.  It is honestly the most beautiful I have ever felt.  To future mamas – don’t hide that belly.  Show it off to the world.  It is one of the greatest miracles God gives to women.

3.       The mama community.  I wasn't sure it would ever be in the cards for me to be a mom.  I focused on my career and didn't settle down until later in life so I felt my biological clock was always ticking.  From the moment I announced my pregnancy, moms everywhere embraced me and started calling me mama.  I am so grateful for being surrounded by amazing and strong women who also are moms.  My 810 girlfriends, wonderful parents – mine and my husbands, Newcomers women’s group, my work besties and friends from all over have been there every step up the way.  They have shared the good, the bad and the ugly. I have gotten great advice and different perspectives.  They have prayed for me and with me.  These women got me through any rough patches, new mom jitters, anxiety and they've shared in my joy.  For these moms – and you know who you are – you made my pregnancy better and I will always love you for it!

4.       Facebook.  Oh yes I said Facebook.  Social media gets a bad rap.  And sometimes it probably should.  It’s a time sucker, can lead to life comparisons, be passive aggressive – y’all all know the downside.  But for me Facebook was a way to share my heart, my journey, my story with folks I care about but don’t get to see every day.  And I love that I get to share in their journey as well.  I admit that I need people.  I prefer to live my life out loud and share (okay even over share). Facebook allows me to embrace that part of myself.  My journey has been enriched by people all over the place and I never have to lose touch with those relationships thanks to social media.  So I take time to scroll through my Facebook friends photos, laugh at your Elf on the Shelf antics, love seeing your children dressed up for Halloween or their first day of school because it keeps me connected.  And I over posted, took one too many pregnancy selfies and embraced the prayers and support of so many Facebook friends during this exciting time. 

5.       His movements.  This I will definitely miss the most.  I admit to almost sadness that his kicks and flutters won’t wake me up at night or surprise me throughout the day.  It makes the miracle real.  It’s reassurance me that the trips to the bathroom all night, throwing up, lack of sleep, anxiety, etc. are all worth it.  I loved lifting my shirt and watching my entire belly bounce or ripple.  And drink a little orange juice and Lewis would throw a party in my tummy.  The best was when he would hear his daddy play because then the dancing would begin.  I know there are so many women who didn't get to experience this for one reason or another so I know how grateful and thankful I should be.  And I am more than any words on paper could even express.  This was the most beautiful part of my entire pregnancy.

6.       My faith.  This is an area I have really grown in.  I have always believed in and loved Jesus but I haven’t always been especially close to him in the last several years.  This year definitely changed that.  It was a year of good and bad stressors – finding out I was pregnant Mother’s Day weekend, Teddy’s cancer and liver surgery, Stacy’s new teaching job, a move to Huntsville which meant we were further from family, new OBGYN to guide me through pregnancy, my company sold 2/3rds of its facilities and close friends had to find new work, a broken promise, my best friend moved to Huntsville – it was a lot to process.  It was the most out of control I have ever felt in my life but it was also the best.  Because it is the first time, in a long time, that I just gave up and gave it to God.  I prayed more than I ever have and clung to Him to guide me.  And he showed up, not exactly how I would have done of it (of course not right) but he was there every.single.day.  The cool thing is God wanted Stacy and I right where we are – personally and professionally - to raise Lewis.  This year was preparing us for the greatest responsibility and journey of our lives.  God did this.  He made this happen.  And I can’t wait to tell Lewis all about God’s love and grace.

Lessons from the Iron Bowl

I couldn’t watch.  The anxiety and the tension were too much.  What would Saban decide to do?  Could we win it with this decision or would we fight it out in overtime?  I headed to the guest room and literally plugged my ears with my fingers.  Then I saw my mom’s face and knew the worst had happened ….........

Bama lost.  I began packing my things to head to my in-laws.  I was frustrated.  I was mad.  And I was disappointed.  I went back into the living room to see my family all in disbelief except my sister-in-law.  She is an Auburn fan.  She was in shock too and lucky for us she didn’t gloat or throw the win in our face. 

Stacy and I spent our ride over to the in-laws discussing the game and the ride back to Birmingham the next day talking about it.  We decided we were not going listen to the radio commentary or watch ESPN; we were going to move on and remain the loyal, devoted Bama fans we have always been.  And then I logged back on to Facebook.  I read post after post – some positive, a lot negative – and the frustration began to build all over again.

I didn’t want to spend my last evening at home in a bad mood.  I laced up my tennis shoes, put a leash on Teddy and headed out for a jog to clear my head.  I was sure there was a lesson in this frustration I had over the game.  I just had to find it.  And with each pound of the pavement, the lessons of the Iron Bowl came rushing to me.

1.      Be a gracious loser.  This is hard for me.  I was competing at Memory and Candyland as a child.  I do a victory dance when I win at Uno.  Being competitive is in my nature.  But nobody likes a sore loser.  It shows lack of character and I have to hold myself to a higher standard.  So I sucked it up and sent the text to my Auburn friends congratulating them.  I also gave my sister-in-law a hug and told her congratulations.  I sent out the congratulatory Facebook post to all the Auburn fans.  Was it easy?  Absolutely not.  It hurt.  But it was the right thing to do.  And how many times has our mama told us the right thing isn’t always the easiest.

2.      Own your decisions.  In the post-game interview, Saban admitted the Iron Bowl loss was on him and his team.  He praised the team and his coaches. And he shared the areas they didn’t come through. He didn’t make excuses or look to shift blame.  He took responsibility.  He held himself accountable.  He said he was proud of his team but “ultimately the responsibility is mine.” That is the true sign of a great leader. 

3.      Strive for excellence not perfection.  The Bama fans, me included, have been expecting perfection.  We always want a shut out or are disappointed when we don’t score at least 40 points or get angry when a kid on the field makes a mistake.  The reality is no one is perfect.  And the drive for perfection only leads to disappointment.  Alabama has won three National Championships in the last four years.  And those wins didn’t come by being perfect.  There were off games, losses, missed opportunities and bad play calling along the way.  It has been the dedication to excellence that has kept the University of Alabama football program on top.

4.      Support your team always.  I was so angry to hear of Bama fans sending death threats to our kicker, Foster.  That kid needed the loyalty and support from Bama fans more the night of the Iron Bowl then he ever has before.  We can get disappointed and frustrated in a player.  I sure do.  Just ask my family what happens with a sloppy tackle when I’m around.  But the truth is I don’t sweat at practice every day.  I don’t have to get banged up and bruised on Saturday.  These kids aren’t paid to play.  They play for the love of the game, to build a future and for their fans.   And we need to love them when they win and love them even more when they lose.  They depend on us for support and encouragement just like we depend on them for an entertaining game. 

5.      Embrace the memories.  You often hear “oh it’s just a game.”  But not to me.  It’s so much more.  It’s about the memories we make each year during the Iron Bowl – laughing with our family, everyone getting dressed up in their Bama gear (dog included), enjoying boiled peanuts to snack on, and my aunt doing her dance and cheer when Bama scores.  Strive to create new traditions with your friends and family that ensures it isn’t just a game.  Let the Iron Bowl be more than a game but rather an opportunity to share in memories that will last a lifetime.

So I’m taking my lessons (and some humble pie) and moving on from this year’s Iron Bowl.  I proudly sported my Big Al pillow, houndstooth bag and Bama t-shirt through the airport on the Monday after the game.  And I look forward to watching my Crimson Tide play in a bowl game.

Roll Tide Always!